


A Very Strong, Very Beautiful Male Princess

by Kamu



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Enchanted AU, Fairy Tale Allusions, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-01-12
Packaged: 2018-03-06 19:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3145082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kamu/pseuds/Kamu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matsuoka Rin, dubbed a soon-to-be married and crowned princess to his honeydew-eyed prince, gets sucked in through a hidden vortex of warped time and space to finally be chucked out of a black hole while sopping wet in his fabulous and flouncy wedding dress, landing himself into an alternate dimension—</p><p>Oh, wait. This is what everyone in his world with a name that strangely sounds like "Australia" would call <i>magic</i>.</p><p>Turns out the thing he landed on face first smells like absolute shit. </p><p>Tired cop Yamazaki Sousuke sporting a fine five o'clock shadow takes one look at Rin stuck at the bottom of a half-drained pool in his flaming-hot red soaked dress and thinks, "I'm not getting paid enough for guard duty at a cross-dressing con for unwashed weeaboos".</p><p>The beginning of a classic modern fairy tale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Very Strong, Very Beautiful Male Princess

**Author's Note:**

> "Beautiful Rin who loves pretty things and Grumpy Sousuke who can't take a chill pill." -the epitome of their relationship
> 
> The whole idea around this crack fic is Sousuke calling Rin "princess" and I decided to make this whimsical back story for it out of the blue? It stuck in my head for a straight week until I just let it flow gay. 
> 
> A warning, if Sousuke sees sparkles and flowers appear around certain people, he knows to recognize them as inhabitants of a foreign land, not that he accidentally took in any suspicious substances as of late. He's a cop, duh.
> 
> Rin is also naked for a large length of the first chapter. :~) No apologies or thanks needed. I only did what had to be done.

Rin hums to himself and his aquatic friends, watching them sway along with him to the tune he had dreamt up the same morning as he watched the dawn glimmer steadily over the horizon. The rays had been the fuel to his inspiration, and he wishes every one of his friends to hear it, this song he had created with the thought of the beauty of a new day in mind.

Rin likes to take early morning baths, especially when no other living being was awake in the forest. Silence is valued and rare in a place so lively in the daylight, and so eerie at night. The shift between worlds is the witching hour Rin basks in for pure self indulging. His friends—the fish, the frogs, the herons, the crocodiles, and the occasional non-threatening shark—they all knew he wakes up at this hour, so they join him too as an assurance Rin won’t get lost and hurt himself. It’s happened several times before, so Rin can’t blame them for being paranoid.

Rin also likes them because they can start a conversation easily.

Gazing up at the pink and indigo sky, Rin wonders why he feels so lonely when he’s surrounded by so many friends. He likes water animals but their thoughts and topics flit about as frequent as a strong stream; they never remain on one topic for too long, unless it relates to food.

What Rin wants is a human friend who he can talk to and enjoy having varied conversations. He wants to laugh, discuss, tease, and do all sorts of things with them he hasn’t had the chance to experience yet. He wants to do what the main characters in the novels he has stacked on his bookshelves do like breathing.

The edges of sadness start to build up until he remembers today is another big day!

It’s time Rin went to go feed the cat.

His friends sense his excitement, and they nab at his skin and hair, warning him it was dangerous.

They don’t manage to stop him. Rin pushes his body up out of the waters of the hidden lake and heads toward his home, commando and all. He was born free, and free he will remain until he reaches his destination where his clothing lay.

“Rin-senpai, please put your clothes back on. What are you going to do when Pyunsuke sees you and asks why you have a dung ball on your—”

Rin swats at his shoulder and glances to where a small something shifts in the foliage and pops up on a branch near his head.

“So mean, senpai! What if I didn’t catch myself on the bark?” Nitori Aiichirou cries, innocent and cute-looking as a forest-dwelling, talking chipmunk.

“Ai, don’t patronize me, it’s not even breakfast yet.” Rin scratches the back of his head and mutters under his breath. “Not like you have the right to anyway with your nut hoarding habit.”

“Senpai, I can hear you.”

“Ah, really? I made myself clear then."

Nitori sighs, looking so upset for a small compact creature as him. “Will you be going to that place again?”

Rin nods.

“Did your butt not learn last time?”

Rin snaps his head toward Nitori, a blush on his cheeks. To elaborate, the ones on his face. “Hey, that was once! Pandasnatchy can’t help it if she doesn’t like me wearing clothes in blood orange. Or clothes in general.”

“Her name is Bandersnatch, and she only wanted to take a piece out of you,” Nitori says as he leaps to catch a ride on Rin’s shoulder. “There’s a reason why the Mikoshibas keep her around. To make sure no mice sneak in, they keep a cat. Everyone knows Rin-senpai loves cats. But this one is a very big, very _carnivorous_ cat.”

“So you understand. The bigger the better.”

Nitori’s tail twitches when Rin looks over the obvious deadly detail of the guard cat’s job description. “I know that you cannot deal with the fact that you scare all the kittens you come across.”

“Okay, you got me there. The thing is, Panda is different. She won't run away and she looks so fluffy I wanna pet her all day and bury my nose in her fur.” Rin has the dopey, lovestruck look in his maroon eyes even Nitori has a hard time refuting.

“Watch the language, senpai! So embarrassing.”

"Oh, sorry." Rin looks down at Nitori and grins apologetically. "Nearly forgot you were uncomfortable about that stuff. Cuddling and petting."

"Stupid senpai," Nitori says quietly, and Rin knows he's forgiven with a smile.

They arrive at an open clearing where Rin's self-made home sits beautifully crafted among the thick branches and natural leaf canopy he had constructed and planned meticulously for the better part of his late teen years.

The grand product of his hard work gets smashed into flying splinters as a gigantic white object bulldozes against it repeatedly, digging through the remains as if searching for its next victim to desecrate.

Rin is frozen at the edge of the meadow, the smile on his face stuck as the destruction of his home happens before his eyes.

Meanwhile, Nitori is squeaking in vaguely disguised terror.

"Senpai, we almost got impaled by that enormous piece of wood!" Nitori pinches the skin on Rin's cheek sharply. "Forest to senpai, we barely avoided accidental ends by a few close centimeters!"

Rin snaps out of his shock and scans his surroundings. He looks to the side where a thick log with a width larger than Rin's arm span is sticking out of the ground along the scattered wreckage. On it has dark, illegible writing worn off from years of weather eroding it away.

Nitori feels Rin tense up and covers his ears for what comes next.

"That support beam had our childhood dreams inscribed on it!" Rin wails furiously as he grabs a smaller beam-turned-lethal weapon to charge at the creature that had gone still once the dust had settled.

The creature swiftly turns toward them and Rin falters in his attack.

“Th…”

Nitori watches Rin stare in befuddlement and a weird mix of stunned amazement. He looks at the growling beast before them and he realizes what happened in dread and disbelief.

Rin drops the bat and lifts his hands to press his cheeks, blushing for a whole different reason now.

“This adorable little rascal!” Rin exclaims, entranced with the way the pure white Bandersnatch’s three tails swish from side to side in a hypnotic pattern.

Fortunately, for Nitori, he knows what the movement signals. He quickly scurries on to Rin’s head and tugs hard.

“Ow! What, Ai?” Rin asks, rubbing where the hair was nearly torn out.

“She’s going to blow, senpai! We need to get as far as possible.”

Rin understands immediately. He turns on his heel and makes fast like the wind into the interior and safety of the canopied forest to receive the least of the damage.

They settle safely on high ground and wait in anticipation.

There’s an echoing groan, and following soon after, a startling quiet. The growl that had been humming from the white creature gradually crescendos and is abruptly interrupted into what could only be called a hiccuping burp that lasts long enough for surrounding creatures to wonder if it would ever end, and why was there so much air in the Bandersnatch’s stomach for it to sound across the expanse of the now silent forest?

“Mikoshiba must’ve overfed the poor baby,” Rin concludes, his voice muffled behind his hand to ward off the stench of raw fish. He lets up and quickly stuffs his nose again. “Mackerel, huh?”

“How can you tell from so far away? I wouldn’t go back even if there wasn’t fish stinking up the forest,” Nitori advises warily. The direction of his head remains faced toward where they came from. “Please don’t go back there. They know where you live!"

“Ai, I’m not sure if you remember this,” Rin places a hand up for Nitori to climb onto so they can see each other, while gesturing to himself with his free one, “but I am currently in the nude for all to see my glorious male chicken right now.”

“And your clothes…” Nitori trails off.

Rin grins toothily. “Are where the kitty is,” he finishes.

“Don’t call the Bandersnatch a kitty,” Nitori pleads tearfully, knowing from past experience when Rin is set on something, there’s no going back. “Kitties are meek and cute, not man-eating and twice the size of your house.”

“Don’t hate on Panda, she can’t help how she’s been raised,” Rin defends as he maneuvers expertly across the branches. “About my nose, I was raised by sharks, so I can sense blood and other marine animals easily. Apparently, I have like 1/16th shark in my family and smell like one of them?"

Nitori cannot believe the logic of this conversation right now. “You could get seriously hurt!” he argues while struggling to stay on his shoulder by squeezing Rin’s hair.

“And I could live my life like this for the next week naked for all to see? Or die trying to save the new fashion line I’ve been sewing for months so I can put it up for auction and have the whole kingdom know my name?” Rin shoots back. “I think we all know which is more important here.”

“Unclear and confused, senpai.”

“The second one. Also, I see you ignoring my life story. Nice to know you're so interested.”

“Only Rin-senpai would prioritize a back story over danger.” Nitori gives up with a sigh.

They arrive once again at the destroyed treehouse. After a thorough search through the area in case the guard cat was sulking around, they meander carefully around the scattered remains, occasionally coming across a piece of furniture or things they had lost weeks ago.

“So this is where my cat dress went!” Rin says excitedly as he lifts the half charred material with the sequined cat pattern on it. “I was looking for this yesterday.”

Ai chuckles nervously, mumbling something like “It looked really shiny.” Rin shoots him a suspicious look but doesn’t call him out as he chucks the dress-turned-shirt over his shoulder for later improvement.

“I can’t tell if they’re doing this on purpose or they just can’t control their cat,” Rin comments, observing the wreckage and smoking fires that have yet to be put out. He spots something red sticking out under a pile of knocked over books. “Red silk! This is perfect for my next outfit, Ai!” He is met with silence, and Rin looks at his empty shoulder. “Ai?”

There’s a noise behind him and a crackle of something burned collapsing.

Curiously, Rin heads toward the untouched part of the house where he keeps his treasured things. It had been built with the intent of surviving any sort of disaster, magical or non. He had a feeling it could take a physical and magical attack from the Bandersnatch, and he was right.

As he walks into the threshold of his barely intact bedroom, the world begins to spin and he feels vertigo and nausea. When he forces himself to calm down, he realizes he’s been caught.

“Dammit, I knew I should have cut the string for the hidden switch!” Rin slaps a hand to his face at his carelessness of falling for his own trap for burglars. “Now I have to wait for someone to haul my stupid nude butt out of here.”

As all coincidences so happens in the land of no coincidences but fateful encounters, the moment the words leave his mouth, the rustle of something large and _so_ not the size of a regular forest chipmunk looms from the gaping hole that leaves a natural skylight in the roof and wall.

Rin has never felt so much dread from seeing a cat right there and then.

“Pandasnatchy, not right now,” Rin mutters to himself, hoping to the Great Fairy Godmother that the overgrown cat won’t notice him dangling there helplessly.

The green feline eyes the size of a fawn lock onto him and she lets out an excited, echoing mewl. Rin knows he’s done for.

As the Bandersnatch wiggles from side to side as she prepares to jump and catch her prize (Rin), thoroughly shaking off the leaves of the trees that are somehow holding her up, a figure zips in front of Rin and holds their hands up as if in surrender.

“Ban-chan!” The stranger calls out to her familiarly. “It’s time to go home! You can’t eat people, remember?”

The cat is mid jump before seeing the stranger and forcefully changing direction to crash into the nearest wall. She rises and shakes off the debris to give the brown-haired stranger a protesting meow.

“Ban-chan!” he exclaims as if the Bandersnatch had let out a string of forbidden profanity. “I know you can talk to me, but don’t say something so rude as calling a person who smells like fish and looks tasty as dinner!”

A one-sided conversation ensues to Rin’s disbelief. They go at it back and forth until Rin decides to end it, because the breeze on his naked butt and the marks the rope are leaving on him are starting to get uncomfortable.

“Hey, cat whisperer, mind letting me down?” Rin asks. He lets his feet dangle through the openings in the rope trap. For public decency, he uses the cat patterned shirt to cover most of his lower region.

The guy gets flustered anyway. “Oh, how impolite of me! I’ll do so immediately, troubled citizen.”

The brunet, pretty attractive with his honeydew eyes and spotless form-fitting hunting clothes, pulls out a silver dagger and expertly aims at the knot holding the trap and Rin up. Rin tries to land on his feet to lessen the impact.

To his surprise, the good-looking stranger is there below him. Rin falls into his savior’s arms and is given a close-up view of how beautiful an angel without wings really is.

“Hi,” Rin mumbles dazedly.

“Hello,” he says in stunned wonder, his eyes glittering and so close Rin could count each light brown lash. “I have never met a being as beautiful as you. May I ask your name?”

“Matsuoka Rin. Yours?”

“Tachibana Makoto.” Makoto smiles warmly, and Rin is taken with how handsome and young he is. “This feeling…”

Rin stares. “You, too?” he asks.

“Yes.” Makoto chuckles shyly. “It’s a feeling unlike any other. What does this mean?”

Rin’s mental process in the span of 0.2 seconds goes like this:

  1. Strange foreign feeling
  2. Two people
  3. They touch, tingling sensation
  4. Other person is the embodiment of all that is pure and good
  5. He's the most handsomest guy he’s ever seen



Thus leading Rin to the conclusion that—

“It’s love,” Rin murmurs quietly.

“Love…” Makoto repeats, his eyes wide with awe.

High on adrenaline and carried away by the atmosphere of the moment, Rin decides to do something impulsive and unlike him.

He proposes.

Makoto, with a flustered expression, unexpectedly says yes.

As they both blush in excitement at the thought of marriage, they remember Makoto is still holding Rin and Rin remains in his current state of undress. Makoto carefully puts him down and Rin makes sure to hide any necessary body parts from view.

They make small talk, asking a little about themselves as Rin rummages around his closet. The door had become unhinged the second Rin touched it.

Surprisingly, Rin learns Makoto is the second prince to the Samezuka Kingdom, and that he took on his mother’s maiden name rather than his father’s when he was born. It’s the reason why no one recognises him when he introduces himself, making it easier for him to travel. The kingdom tends to recognize the strict and troublemaking Mikoshiba brothers who share the same surname and features from their father.

Rin puts forth his dream as a fashion designer and his goal of having his name known throughout the kingdom. Makoto praises him for having such an ambitious dream set out for himself.

Afterwards, they make their farewells once they agree tomorrow at sunset would be the perfect time to get married. The sooner the better they both agree. Also, it’s plenty of time for Makoto to warn his family and start preparations at his castle. All Rin would have to do is show up on time and be dressed in his best wares.

In a day’s time, Rin can easily design a wedding dress suitable for him.

Seeing Makoto off as he climbs onto the back of Ban-chan, Rin clutches the hand that had been casually waving to them to his chest as the blush on his face had yet to reside. The day was noon and Rin had the rest of the daylight and night to get to work.

Crawling into his makeshift bed of blankets four hours into tomorrow, Rin giggles breathlessly as he holds out his left hand, imagining a band of gleaming gold on his finger.

“How romantic.”

  ****

* * *

“Brother, brother, look what I found in one of the old storage rooms!”

King Mikoshiba Seijuurou turns and raises an eyebrow unimpressively towards young third prince Mikoshiba Momotarou.

“Momotarou, what weird concoction did you find this time?” he asks tiredly.

“No, it’s not a love potion this time!” Momo denies adamantly. “I read the instructions left behind by Mom and the note said it was a magical item that can tell someone anything they want to know. She called it a ‘guru’ or something.”

This information intrigues Seijuurou. “Oh really now? Do tell me how this item can whisper the secrets of the universe into my ear,” Seijuurou challenges.

Momo curtly points to the two Samezuka knights as if in preparation for this moment. “‘kay, guys, lift the drape!”

A silver shine circles the interior of the spacious throne room and settles above Seijuurou. He blinks away the brightness and steps near to inspect the curious item.

“A mirror?” Seijuurou says in surprise. “How can a mirror tell me what I want to know?”

Momo shrugs and makes an “I don’t know” noise. “This is why I came to you, brother. You know a lot more than me about magic,” Momo says.

“That’s not true,” the king replies. “I’m more into the basic creation of magical items. I’ve been thinking of giving a name to this research. ‘Science’ is a good word for it.”

Seijuurou hums and stares intently at the silver mirror. Contrary to its metal components, there is no signs of it deteriorating despite its estimated age if it originated from the era of their mother.

Seijuurou lifts a hand to touch its reflective surface, but before he can, a hum sounds from it and the light refracts to aim into Seijuurou’s face as if locking onto an intruder. The humming continues until Momo cries out.

“Something’s happening in the mirror, brother!”

Seijuurou can’t see what’s happening because of the beam that’s shining on him. The humming stops and Seijuurou cautiously lets his arm fall to gaze at the changed mirror.

“Who’s this sleeping old man?” Momo asks, peeping over Seijuurou’s shoulder.

The blond “old man” in the mirror snorts awake and looks around in a daze.

“Where, huh?” the old man mumbles with a streak of drool dripping down his chin.

“The king of Samezuka, Mikoshiba Seijuurou present,” Seijuurou informs. He gestures to Momo. “This is my second younger brother, third prince Momotarou.”

That gets the magical old man’s attention. “Royalty?” He swiftly turns around and is made decent and combed in a flash. “Sorry for the untidiness. I haven’t been doing much the past few decades, so I got bored.”

“Understandable,” Seijuurou agrees.

“So, what’s it this time? Agriculture? The location of of your enemies’ treasury? Fertility? The power to rule the world?” The blond old man nods his head in what might have been a bow. “Sasabe Goro at your service.”

“You’re not really called the ‘Guru’?” Momo says in disappointment.

Sasabe Goro chuckles heartily. “That’s a common mistake all the owners of mine make. They think it more incredible if they call me that rather than use my normal name.”

“I hope that isn’t all they’ve misunderstood,” Seijuurou warns, suspicion lilting his tone.

Goro casually brushes off the threat. “Kids, if you got questions, just ask. Adults are here to answer them.”

“Any of them?” Seijuurou prompts with narrowed gold eyes.

“Anything.”

The confirmation sparks curiosity into the Mikoshiba brothers. There were so many questions they had left unanswered growing up without the guidance of their parents when they went off on their journey of traveling the world, thus leaving barely eighteen Seijuurou in charge of a whole kingdom. They’ve always wondered why that was.

The bored expression on Goro’s face puts pressure on them. What if the mirror decided he wasn’t interested in answering questions and went to sleep again?

They had to think fast.

The brothers lock eyes, gold to gold, and through some mutual telepathic understanding, they come to one question that has been bugging them since they were pre pubescent teenagers.

“Who’s the fairest beauty in all of the kingdom?” they ask in unison.

“On the same wavelength, is it,” Goro observes in amusement. “I’ll only take a minute. I haven’t used my powers in such a long while.”

He closes his eyes and the Mikoshibas wait anxiously.

Goro scrunches his eyebrows in concentration and hits a wall. There’s a problem with the wording of the question, and answering it without leaving out information would cause misunderstandings. But, it would leave his words true for open interpretation, so Goro the Magical Mirror goes with the latter option. What happens afterwards is up to the asker to decide.

“Matsuoka.”

The brothers process this one word answer. They tilt their head and still come up with nothing.

“Huh? That’s very vague, Mr. Goro,” Seijuurou says.

“Mr. Guru Goro, how are we gonna find a gal like that with just a surname?” Momo complains helplessly.

“Sorry, kids, but that’s all I can tell you. It’s the rules I was made with. I’m to remain truthful until the day this mirror becomes unusable,” Goro apologizes sincerely. He’s seen what will happen, and he’s sorry he indirectly caused it. Not that he will tell the brothers. He’s not a god, just a magical guy in a mirror.

"Okay. Then, who is the manliest in all of the kingdom?"

Goro'f face turns awkward as he processes the question.

"Same..."

"How is that possible? Is this Matsuoka one of the Amazon?" Seijuurou comes up with an idea. "She must be a warrior queen if she takes first place in both categories! I bet she can kick my ass."

"Bro, are you actually M not S? This doesn't go well with our names, ya know."

Momo's comment goes unheard.

“Matsuoka,” Seijuurou repeats, thinking hard while calculating the amount of time and money needed to spend on finding one girl with a surname. It’s certainly uncommon but Samezuka is a vast land; it could take months sending out notices to all the scattered villages and cities, including the enchanted forest.

Momo is grilling Goro about the current population of stag beetles when there’s a bang from the entrance of the throne room. They turn to where a person in white trailing fur on the carpet behind them is huffing in exhaustion.

“Brothers!” Makoto gasps out, his hands on his knees and sweat dripping from his forehead. “I have something very important to tell you.”

Sasabe Goro grins knowingly from where he’s facing the wall in full view of the Mikoshiba brothers’ expressions as the second prince announces the life-changing news for both the kingdom and the Mikoshiba-Tachibana royal family.

It's the beginning of a modern fairy tale.

**Author's Note:**

> Pfft, Nitori said "enormous piece of wood."


End file.
